Reference told me that the job was beneath the candidate. I’m in the middle of re-staffing my office for a new program. voiced my concerns to my boss, and he said to call her references to see what they think of her. called one of her references, and she spent the entire conversation telling me how the job the candidate applied for is “beneath her” and “I should offer her another positon, because this position couldn’t pay what she’s worth.”. Wow — what a weird reference. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. MORE

And certainly if you just realize that the job isn’t quite the right fit (as opposed to the interviewers being abusive), it generally makes sense to see it through anyway, because the company might have an opening in the future that you do want, or your interviewer might later move to a company that you’d love to work at, or they might refer you to a contact who’s hiring for a job that you would  be interested in. You’re not obligated to stay when that happens. You’re allowed to do the same thing yourself. But when an interview is really crossing a line, you’re allowed to leave. MORE

One candidate has now had two different individuals supply us with email letters of reference. In this same pool of applicants, there are two people who let us know they heard about the role from a board member, which feels like a lighter touch in terms of highlighting a connection, but no one else has submitted these unrequested references. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. I was taken away from work in an ambulance. I had very embarrassing situation at work today. have been breaking out with a rash for the past two days. Do you have an words of wisdom? MORE

Today I got an email asking me to send one to two references in each of five categories. ” They say they want all of these references to get a complete picture of who I am and how I work, but this feels like a weird ask to me. have plenty of great “normal” references and a solid work history with a portfolio to prove it, which seems like plenty to base their decision on in addition to the many phone calls and tests. And now five to ten references, over five different categories? References are valuable. bad interviewer behavior references MORE

Former manager won’t return my emails about references. I am a recent grad and I just finished a temporary job where I worked under two supervisors. want to list both of them as references for my current job applications, but one of them blatantly ignores my email requests for references. He said she liked my job performance, so why would he ignore my reference requests? I’m not sure! He could be a disorganized mess, or he could be rudely signaling that he doesn’t really want to give you a reference after all (if so, this is not the right way for him to convey that). MORE

assumed this was an inside joke and thought nothing of it and wrote it off as playful silliness or thought I perhaps missed a moment in a recent movie or TV show to which the quacks were referring. A reader writes: I am the manager of a customer service team of about 10-12 members. Most of the team members are right out of school and this is their first professional job and their ages range from 22-24. I am about 10 years older than all of my employees. We have a great team and great working relationships. They all do great work and we have established a great team culture. What?! MORE

My reference told a reference-checker that his own skills are better than mine. used my coworker as a reference. Don’t use him as a reference again, and take comfort in the fact there’s no way that he didn’t come across as ridiculous to the reference-checker. It’s not clear to me whether he was trying to suggest himself for the job instead (which would be a huge dick move to do on your actual reference call ) or whether he was just comparing his skills to yours for the hell of it (which was also be a huge dick move). Here we go…. 1. MORE

After one too many interviews where I “dried” on questions that I’d have answered off the cuff if I were at my desk, I started putting together a quick-reference sheet of common scenarios. I now tuck this into my notepad when going into an interview. I’ve also started keeping a record of the types of questions that get asked, and over the last five or so years I’ve built up a good little two-page reference document. Does it actually reflect badly on me as a candidate to have written myself something to refer to in an interview? interviewing MORE

think Betty may even have spread harsh rumors about me in the industry because despite applying to a bunch of jobs since then, I’ve had very few interviews, and the ones I’ve had never went past the ‘references’ stage. . A reader writes: Last summer, I decided to re-enter the workforce after five years of raising my kids. applied to a bunch of jobs that I thought I could do, and got an interview at this one very small  company (~20 employees). proved myself and they brought me on full-time. . Needless to say, I was more than a little insulted by her attitude. . MORE

A reader writes: I’m job searching and once I have an offer in hand, I plan on letting the company contact my current supervisor as a reference. Problem is, he doesn’t seem to care about giving references at all. Another employee, who was not his direct report, has been job searching and my supervisor has been contacted multiple times from his staffing agency looking for a reference. Is it a red flag to a new company if a supervisor just ignores reference requests? interviewer wants reference from current employer. references Well, yes. MORE

As for the question of references, you’re under no obligation to give one. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Former cofounder is trash-talking our organization. The cofounder and initial executive director of our small nonprofit was fired a few months after we launched for gross failure to carry out responsibilities and in no small part because of the way she treated the staff and other board members. As we were just starting out, we didn’t have the paperwork or foresight to have her sign an NDA. Is there anything we can do? There seems to be a lot of turnover. MORE

She is applying to my current employer and asked me to be a reference. I am hesitant to be one, as I know of some past work performance issues that are likely still present from when we originally worked together. If this person was let go for what I have heard through sources, and via my own intuition, how do I politely tell this person that I cannot be her reference? A few different options: * Be honest: “I know you struggled with X and Y at Teapots Inc. how to decline to be a reference for a former coworker was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. MORE

A reader writes: I just had an interview and they moved incredibly fast and got back to me the very next day, saying they would like to check my references. She emailed them a reference saying she would recommend me and that I was a good presenter and can work under high pressure. It wouldn’t be fair to expect her to shade the truth (as she sees it) when giving a reference — in any case, but especially with her own employer. But I think you’re really asking whether you might have been on the verge of getting an offer and this reference will torpedo it. references MORE

finally had the experience to apply and have done so and I also was referred highly by a current employee. I was contacted fairly quickly for a phone interview and then a few days later for a face to face interview. I had my interview on July 1 and felt it went really well. I met with all managers and the lead. I was told that they may have an extended interview process of a few weeks, but they would let me know either way. A reader writes: There is this company that I have wanted to work for since I got into the work I do now. still have not heard anything back from either email. MORE

Yes, I was nice to the email sender when working, but that is my job. I don’t see why I owe everyone a Mother Teresa approach off the clock. I’m now struggling to find another job, because my store manager has refused to let any of the department managers give me a reference, presumably because she’s offended because, well, she’s also the type to pin the poor size 2 girl next to her against the wall! A reader writes: I’m a part-time retail employee at a clothing store, as well as a full time graduate student. At one point, my boyfriend texted me asking if I’d left work yet. MORE

If so, I’d be honest with her, as long as your future references are going to come from her and not the assistant, and as long as she agrees to give you whatever type of confidentiality you want to ask for. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Boss asked me to be “brutally honest” during an exit interview. resigned earlier this week with my department head. would have liked to have done so with her assistant, who more closely manages me, but she is on vacation. This assistant is a difficult person to work for, and is quite a micromanager. feel ignored and disrespected. MORE

Giving a reference for an alcoholic friend who won’t talk to me. work for a law enforcement agency and have become used to giving personal references for friends and extended family, who like having me listed as a reference due to my position in a place of authority. Yesterday I received a voicemail from a company looking for a reference for a friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to in almost a full year. On the other hand, it feels dishonest to not include the issues she’s had, particularly as a personal reference. Here we go…. 1. Sorry.” MORE

It’s only going to be relevant when employers check references, so when you provide your references, I’d include it there — similar to how you might include a line explaining how a particular reference knows you. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Is it true that 80% of job openings are never advertised? always hear the statement that “You know, 80% of job openings are never posted or advertised.” ” What do you think? Is this statement true or false? What has been your experience? How can job seekers find these jobs? 80% is crazy high. MORE

couple of years ago when I was interning at a place I got a really great reference from this older colleague that was supervising my work there. It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…. 1. Requiring people to be on time when the rest of the organization isn’t. My new (10 months on the job) executive director does not seem to care one iota if people stroll in late to work in the morning. Even our front desk receptionst staff are often dashing into the building 5 -10 minutes after we open. It is commonplace behavior and has become a disturbing part of our office culture. MORE

Remember the letter-writer who was wondering whether she should go back and check the references of a struggling new hire ? If we are able to fill the position, my plan is to request that my teammate and I contact primary and secondary references so that we will have an idea whether a future candidate is suitable for the role on our team. update: I didn’t check references on a new hire and he’s struggling — should I check them now? Here’s the update. Last month, I wrote to you regarding issues with a new employee we had hired on our team this past spring. updates MORE

That’s partly because they’re public (so obviously no one is going to say something critical about you there), partly because they’re so off done as write-for-me-and-I’ll-write-one-for-you trades, and partly because the value of a reference lies in being able to ask specific, targeted questions and not just reading a pre-written statement. 5. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Manager asked about religion when I asked to take a day off. Besides the name, the staff handbook does not specify what this day is to be used for. Am I on solid ground here? ” 3. MORE

My professor turned down my request to be a reference. How do I respond to a rejection email from a potential reference? . I am a graduate student and requested a reference from a professor I know well. I was shocked when she responded, “You can use me as a reference, but I would have to be honest… if they ask me about your timeliness or reliability for example, I cannot say that it is excellent. That would be quite bad for you so I’m not sure if I’m the right person to be your best reference. It’s five answers to five questions. Maybe. MORE

A reader writes: We have recently offered a new employee a job, with a job offer email that included the following line: “The position is permanent and will be subject to a 3-month probationary period and reference check.” ” We made the offer contingent on references because one of his references was his current employer and he didn’t want us to approach them until he’d handed in his notice. This is  a really tough situation, and it’s one of the reasons that offers contingent on a reference-check can be sticky. references MORE

The challenge is that many people automatically switch to the shortened version, without asking if it’s okay and even if I’ve never, ever referred to myself with that nickname. Colleague refers to women as Ms. have noticed over the past few months that he is in the habit of referring to all women (including his boss, who I know well and am friendly with) as Ms. I’ve gotten a bunch of questions about names recently. Here are five short name-related questions and answers. 1. People keep shortening my name. How do I handle this? Thanks! Thanks!”. FirstName. MORE

check in with HR happened (which was part of her PIP), and then the EA had to cover the front desk while Mary drove her kids to preschool. I say “forced” because the EA complained and the CFO (who is Mary’s aunt) threatened to fire the EA for cause with no reference if she told anyone! A reader writes: I was hired at a company in January to build a department that provides support internally to other departments. Mary was the company receptionist for two years, and I barely interacted with her before I interviewed her. feel myself second guessing my decision. Fire Mary. MORE

You might choose to do it anyway; there’s value in speaking the truth in this kind of situation, and you’re probably not sacrificing a hugely important reference if you do (you were only there eight months, and the fact that she’s a close friend makes her a pretty sketchy reference anyway) … but you’d want to be prepared for it to have ramifications for your friendship. 5. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. I got into a fight with my husband’s coworker over their affair. confronted my husband. After sometime, I went to the restaurant to eat and drink a little. MORE

Should I be suspicious of this reference situation? He did not list his last two employees as references, saying that both were part-time work and that he’d prefer we contact his last full-time employer who is also one of his best friends. The listed reference spoke well of him. would like to hire him, but I feel peculiar about the references or lack thereof. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Should I ask my coworker why she didn’t hire my son? That’ll undermine him and make him look like a weaker candidate. Apologize again for the past? MORE

When a reference is also an ex. I’ve been out of the full-time workforce for several years dealing with family health issues (I’ve done several part-time, “survival” jobs in that time which allowed me to cover my caregiver responsibilities to my family members), but am now applying for full-time jobs in my field. My former manager in the last full-time job I held, which directly relates to the position, is adamant I should cite him as a reference. If you have any other reasonable options for references, I’d use them instead. Here we go…. 1. MORE

You may also like: update on the reference for the brilliant but abusive former manager I’m scared my bullying ex-boss will give me a bad reference should I pay a company to create a false work history for my resume? how do I give a reference for a terrible former manager? referencesA reader writes: My supervisor was recently moved out of my department and I believed she would be looking for new jobs. He made it clear it would be a respectful off-the-record chat, not a full recommendation. So what do I say? How honest should I be? You can read it here. MORE

A reader writes: I started job searching in earnest last year for a number of reasons — mainly, no raises despite glowing performance reviews over the past several years, no chance of a title change despite increased responsibilities, and no opportunity to move into a better position. (It’s a small organization.) I recently interviewed for a position I’m really excited about, and last week I found out that the employer was calling my references. Hooray! I’ve kept my boss in the loop on my job search, so he was a reference as well. references MORE

usually check my work, but I didn’t cross-reference the list I had and instead cross-referenced it with what I thought was all 8/31/16. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. I’ve been covering for my sick coworker, but he’s been posting about vacations on social media. One of the employees at the firm I currently work for has been supposedly been “sick” with strep throat/mono for three months now. He has made little effort to contact my bosses, and has told us numerous times that he would return to work. He has not shown up, nor made contact with us. MORE

Remember the letter-writer a couple of weeks ago who friend asked him to be his reference — and then sent him the totally fabricated resume he’d used ? responded to the hiring manager. I was going to ignore the reference request, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt it was the right choice. said I would’ve been happy to give a positive -personal – reference, but obviously not after this. I did not hear back from the hiring manager. He apologized in a snarky manner and said he wouldn’t use me a reference again. I did not respond. MORE

In fact, it’s possible that the high-ranking person he’s connected to would be mortified to know that someone she referred is behaving this way, or pissed off that he’s squandering the opportunity, or that she just isn’t someone who would have a problem with you deciding to fire him. A reader writes: I’m reaching out to request advice on an intern problem. As background, I’m a young-looking woman with a professional degree who works in the charitable arm of a prestigious, for-profit teapot firm. My third is the problem. He was late three times in four days. Repeatedly. MORE

Still, we have a policy of calling all finalists’ references, so I spoke to all three of her listed references. Still, wanting to help her in her full-time job search (and knowing that other organizations don’t have the benefit of an existing relationship), the candidate’s direct supervisor at our organization gently suggested (without giving the reason) that she diversify her list of references, which the candidate did, and continued to interview for a variety of jobs in our field. hiring referencesAll good and done, right? Who knows. MORE

It might mean they don’t check references very thoroughly, or it could mean that he convinced them he’d genuinely learned from the experience and changed his ways. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. My company wants me to return part of a gift from a client. work for a large, well-known organization in the United States. recently finished up a job with a client who I’ve worked closely with for the last two years. My company has a compliance plan that requires us to disclose gifts received in excess of $250, which the total face value of the tickets does. MORE

have a reasonable explanation for what to say when asked why I left my last job, but I am completely terrified of the reference my previous job might give me (a friend is checking this for me), and what to say if they mention the medical leave. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…. 1. Farewell party for everyone but me. I’ve recently left my old team to transfer to an international office and received a promotion. Before I left, we had quite a few people from our team (maybe six?) leaving for various reasons over a few months time. And she seemed excited. What?! MORE

inquired with my teammate about whether they checked his references. The only reference they spoke to was his friend, who referred him to the role. Would it be a good idea to do another reference check and reach out to companies (internships) he worked for to see what they have to say about his work style? References are for before you’ve hired someone, when you don’t have first-hand experience with their work, so that you can get the perspective of someone who does. Checking references won’t change anything about that. references MORE

How do I give a reference for my awful boss? It’s really your call, but I’m going to argue that the ethical thing to do here is to answer the reference-checker’s questions honestly and straightforwardly. Of course, you could also argue that the reference-checkers should know that they can’t rely on your boss’s current employees to speak the truth because of the power dynamics in play, and that they should also be vetting him with lots of other sources (including even former employees who he no longer manages and who might feel more comfortable being candid). Here we go…. 1. MORE

For instance, let’s say I was calling for a problem with a teapot sealer, and he kept referring to the teapot stamper instead. A reader writes: I’ve got a bit of a very modern doozy here. work in a position where I regularly call on-call personnel after hours to investigate technical issues, often states away. I had to call our on-call person and, well, I’ll be honest here, I’m pretty sure he was high: he was laughing at things I said and he was having trouble understanding what I was saying. Now, the complication. Should I just let it go? We don’t know. MORE

Can you call your old employer, explain that you think this incident is preventing you from getting work, and ask if they’d be willing to come to an agreement with you about what they’ll say to reference-checkers about why you left? If you can get them to agree to call it a layoff or a resignation, or even to decline to give a reference at all, you will probably have an easier time of it. 3. Asking people to be references for a second job. Also, I’m assuming that it would be too weird to ask my current boss to act as a reference in this case. Here we go…. 1. MORE